The Great Mascara Run

Sitting here slowly gathering strength and feeling extremely faithful with a few drops of mascara and tears rolling down my face. This has been just another bend in this very long winding road that I've know as my life. Learning from this experience has been amazing. Brad and I have both grown as adults, parents, and believers in this time he has been out of work. It has opened our eyes to many different ways to improve all aspects of our life. So this "blessing" that I haven't fully understood is already starting to shine rays out behind the dark clouds.
A few weeks ago I heard an amazing sermon on being faithful and strong...to live life and enjoy it. I took all that I learned and embraced it. Thinking: "Wow, I can do this! I want to do this!". I want to make lemonade out of lemons. And the harder I tried...the more the "bad news" kept pouring in. One day he is going to be put on disability, another they are going to "let him go", and most of the time no one could give a straight answer. I tried to live behind my "smile"...the bigger the "smile" the more I would force myself to believing I was relying on God and His plan. But the sad truth is that I WAS SCARED...I was terrified...I didn't want to lose my beautiful home, take my kids away from their schools, dr.'s , dance...
I still and always know that God has a great plan for all of us. He is a loving kind God. But I also know that there are "believers" that are living on the street unable to feed their kids. And I just wondered "where is our bottom going to be?" "how much farther down will we have to go?" He will lead us out I'm just trying to be patient and rely on His strength.
Prayer...it's the most powerful tool he has given me. It will help me to survive this. At the same time God has given me the power to grieve...so the tears and the mascara have run most days. I refuse to let it encompass me so when I have a "moment" I will step back, pray, let the mascara run, grab a baby wipe and wipe away the mess it leaves behind (babywipe use #101...lol) and go about filling my day with laughter, the joy and antics of my pack of live in monkeys, and my faithful friends. I will let myself process this and be ok that I'm human and heartache is a real feeling and God will hold me until I can regain my strength again.
So I get up and slap on the water proof mascara and power through my crazy full days of everything from feeling so "important" volunteering at my amazing church, feeling so "important" as I'm wiping tears away from the face of a 2yr. old who just needs her Mommy, feeling so "important" when my husband reaches out in stress and says I just need you, I feel so "important" because my God has so much love for me and knows that I can do this.