Trusting your Inner Voice

Having stated in previous blogs about my current struggles I have found that I'm once again having to remind myself to trust that "inner voice". I often find myself hesitating way to long at every bend in the road. I think this is a common reaction when it seems your heart and mind are in two different places. How do you go somewhere that your heart isn't? or vice versa...But often after much prayer my answers are very clear on which path to take. And when I follow God's plan it often means having not only my mind and heart on the same path but my soul too. Then there are those times that it seems to be like climbing a mountain than walking a curvy paths with a few forks. And that feeling of not knowing what is on the other side is so great that it can often trap you into doing nothing but trying to wait for that mountain to crumble on it's own so you can pass.
Let's take one of my current problems and that is the health of my eldest daughter. She is a beautiful quite soul that is waiting for God to release the bonds that hold her down. She has been sick since she first came into this world. I pray that she will be healed and I pray that we find an answer to all of this. As a mother you want to make your children better...you want them to be happy...that's your job.
The frustrations that have come along with this are endless. Tests after tests and still no answers. Friends and family questioning every decision you make...too many tests?!..have you tested for this or that?!...is it all in her head?! or your head?!....it goes on and on.
How far do I go to get an answer? Well, this is my mountain and I guess I will go as far as I can until she can get some comfort. Until I know that my child can sleep at night or go to church or a party and not fall apart.
I seem to be at a point in my life where I am looking out at a range of mountains. I will cross over them...because I am strong and I will show my children the strength that God gives us when we need it most.
Trying to find a place where my heart and mind are both at peace has been a struggle. But I know my faith will guide me. Pray for healing over Kambry's body. Pray that I will make the right decisions for her.

***On another note...The Flu has entered the Farris house and I think it plans on paying everyone a visit. Last night was a picture for the memory books...Me sitting on a blow up air mattress in my bedroom holding up Jack's head (which had one of those sore throat suckers stuck in his hair because he fell asleep with it in his mouth and he was in no mood for me to try and pull it out) while he projectile vomited in my lap and my only thought was to try and save the pillow because we have lost so many do to sick kids or kids that decide they want to pass on the whole potty training thing one night...so as I try and "save" the pillow I knock over a bottle of beautiful blue Gatorade all over the floor...while I try to reach for the trash can I cup my hands trying to catch what I can ...and in the haste of all this I seemed to look over and catch a glimpse of a man by the name of Brad I Can Sleep Through Anything Farris laying there sound asleep with no worries in the world...ahh...all I could do is sigh as I try to wash myself down with a tub of baby wipes because my sick baby refuses to let me leave his side to go and shower...I feel a little happy at the thought of my clean puke free pillow...I have a feeling I have a few more sleepless nights ahead of me.