Calm in the Eye of a Storm

I am determined to stay focus no matter what storm I may be weathering in my life. I may occasionally tread into rough waters and go straight into panic mode but I know eventually my faith will always reel me back in.
My life at times seems to always feel like an uphill battle. I have been so desperate to reach the top but now I know the top is my salvation and that I will reach it eventually but now my life is to purely live in Him. To experience life at it's finest and at it's worst. To raise my kids and to focus on my family and my journey in knowing Christ. To LIVE is to LIVE it all...the up's the down's...the in between's.
I have experienced some great challenges recently. I have also found myself weak and giving into some of these in hopes that surrendering would lead me to peace. But I surrendered to the "challenge" not to my Savior and therefor found myself drowning unable to resurface. And then God's grace reached down and plucked me out and by this I mean I was able to lean on some amazing friends that he has blessed me with.
I do find myself these days asking God "why" but not in the same way I did in the past. I know that my Pain is not caused by God instead God's love is here to embrace my pain. To encompass me and guide me out of trouble waters.
Don't get me wrong. I find myself sad and broken too many times. But as my faith grows so does my strength to overcome these times. Last Sunday evening my family went to celebrate our church's b-day with praise and worship. I found myself visiting with a good friend and really focused on the joys of the evening. When Pastor asked if anyone wanted to come forward and pray I found myself walking. Not completely sure what I was even doing or what I wanted to pray about but as I stood in front of the congregation...lights dimmed and soul touching music playing... I came to a dear friend and she embraced me and I could hardly contain myself. It was a very raw experience. After that I had others come (several I've never met) embrace me and pray with me. Never have I felt so comforted. And as an endless amount of tears streamed down my face and as I went from soft sobbing to the "ugly" cry. I felt God's presence and His love. And all the while I couldn't exactly pinpoint what I was praying about...me, Kambry, my marriage, my faith, my family...and then I realized it didn't matter. He knows.
Yesterday I found myself engulfed in fear and pain and yet I was able to be calm...to stay focused. To pray. Really pray. I found myself being loved. The same love that I have for my kids. One that has been foreign to me for most of my life. It is a love that really has no judgement that is kind and comforting. That guides me back on the right path.
Life truly is a journey and some people have more bumps along the way but let's face it we all have them at some point in time.
I'm not for sure where I will find myself tomorrow but I do know where my heart is and where it will always be.
God has blessed me with the gift of compassion and the gift of love. And my heart hurts for others and my need to help heal and "fix" can overwhelm me at times but I need to stay focused on using this gift in a way that doesn't destroy the person that God wants me to be. I'm His child too and he loves me and Wants me to be Happy and Loved.
So to end this I will say I'm unsure about what tomorrow holds but "I Thank You Lord For I Am Blessed".

On another note: I was laying in bed today holding Olivia when she looked at me with those big blue eyes and those chubby cheeks that you can't help but kiss. It overwhelmed me. I swear this little baby was looking right into my soul. This amazing bond that God has given with us and our children is such a gift. I know I have lots of motherly complaints but can I just say that I love these children with everything that I am. These tender fleeting moments are the ones that will stay with us forever.