To The Daughter That We Miss

So I would like to share a letter to the 1st child Bradley and I ever loved as our own. She was all of three months old when we met her. So tiny and so sweet. She had a head full of soft brown hair and the biggest blue eyes. She melted our hearts instantly. I have mentioned her in a recent blog but here is more of the story.

One day I get a call from a friend asking if I could watch a friend of her's baby. So they bring this baby over and the mother was pregnant with her 4th child and was going to have an amnio done. She had some complications from the procedure and so we agreed to keep the baby over night...well that overnight turned into about a year. We later discovered the mother suffered from some mental illnesses and was really unstable to take care of our little Sarah...so we joyfully did.

We experienced her 1st words...dada. watched her reaction to the 1st time she had icecream..we saw her 1st steps and were there to kiss her booboos when she fell. We loved her. I was able to see the wonderful father Bradley was meant to be as he cradled her when she was sick or when she ran to him as he entered the front door.

I loved all the special times of taking her to Seaworld, to the zoo, and even our late night trips to Dairy Queen. But there was also some not good times when the mother decided every once in awhile that she wanted her back and having to leave Sarah there with her was so hard even though we knew it wouldn't be long before she would be calling us begging us to take her again. The ups and the downs as the mother used Sarah as a pawn in an unfair game of cat and mouse. She would also go back and forth with the idea of us taking the 4th baby unsure if the father would bite at the fact that he was having a "SON". So right before Sarah's 1st birthday Anthony Louis was born named after who we hoped to soon be his father Bradley Louis. The Mom asked not to hold or see him when he was born. I was the 1st one to cradle him in my arms. I remember sobbing so hard my tears dripped down on to his peach fuzz face. During the birth Bradley had to take a very sick Sarah to the Children's Hospital with a stomach virus so he wasn't able to come see this new little joy until the next day. I remember him walking in with Sarah (his attempt at fixing her hair and dressing her was hilarious to say the least but I give him props for all the nasty diaper changes and having to hose out her crib the night before so I bit my tongue!)

Well, the same thing happened with Anthony. We were set up to take him and then the mom changed her mind until about midnight that 1st night home she called and had locked herself in the bathroom begging us to come get him because he wouldn't stop crying.

This wild roller coaster was soon to come to an end once Brad got orders to ship off to Japan and I was sent back home to take care of my mother who was sick with her 1st battle of cancer. The mother and father (who decided to enter the picture) put a price tag on our little babies head. I broke down and begged Bradley to just pay them the money. Bradley was very hesitant and he had every right because the price kept going up and the demands were never ending. So we closed that chapter in our life. I had to bring our sweet little girl to this insane woman and turn and walk away with her screaming at the door for me. I could tell the terror in her little voice and I knew that her life would now be filled with many challenges that no little girl should have to ever face.

We thought this was the end. I went to Oklahoma and Bradley to Japan. 7 months had past and we went back to California. It only took a day to contact Sarah and Anthony and have them back in our arms again. We took them and moved into a tiny one room suite waiting for our base housing. This joy only lasted a few months when out of the blue I get a call from the Mom saying she is coming to get the kids and she is moving.

That was the end.

Our time with Anthony was so short. We loved him with his blonde locks and his beaming blue eyes but I think we were shielding our heart more with him. We knew that our time with him would be limited.

I miss them so much. I thought the years would heal my heart especially after having our own kids. I thought it would feel that void. But it's still there. I think about her often. How old would she be? How long is her hair? So many questions...but I know eventually God will lead me back to her when He's ready.

So to my Dear Sarah Bear...I Love You

This would not be our last attempt at saving a child. We also had two beautiful little girls that came from another troubled home. They started coming and spending every summer with us after we lost Sarah and Anthony. Then that turned into every school break spring, summer, fall, winter. Finally it came time for me to report the abuse and that was the end of us getting to see the girls. We had them from around the age of 5 & 6 until they were about 9 & 10. I still hear from them every once in awhile. They have grown into such beautiful young ladies.

I am proud that God allowed us to touch so many kids. We were able to offer so many a "Home" even if it was just for a short while. The lesson from this story isn't how sad for us that we were separated from so many children that were close to us but that helping a child should come at any cost. That God has asked us to do so and so it shall be that we open our hearts to those innocent souls and bless them while we have the opportunity to do so. I'm thankful for the time that I was given with Sarah and the other sweet kiddos and yes I ache for them at times but there is nothing that I would not do again. So please open your heart to a child in need.

Bradley and I are planning in the future to adopt. I'm not for sure when but I know it's all on God's timing. So we are waiting and praying.

"Whoever receives a child in My name, receives Me" Matthew 18:5